Twixt-n-between...

Just a little while ago after coming home from work I got online to check out Erika's new layout of her blog she'd called me about earlier in the day. The layout is so cute and after admiring it a few minutes and then checking out Leighton's new "photo of the day" blog which I love, too, I went back to Erika's blog post today and the wording really touched me. She referred to her busy time with work and a new baby and not having much time... As I read the words the memories and thoughts ran faster and faster not only through my mind but also through my heart with a twinge that caused tears to well in my eyes. Oh how I remember those days and times and I'm reminded so much the last couple days as well. Scrolling down the posts on Facebook this week are numerous posts about school registration, summer coming to a close soon, school supplies, and the like...It hit me just like the last semester of school last year when my lastborn child was graduating and it was like a ton of bricks pounding my chest everytime I thought of graduation day and of the "happy and oh so proud but yikes, this is it" feeling! It was the most happy/sad time I've experienced and a time that I will treasure. When my kids were younger, believe it or not, I was the mom who cried on the first day of school every single year as other moms were rejoicing the kids' return to school. I wanted them to be home longer... On the last day of school when others were fretting summer plans and daycare I was thrilled to have the kids home for the summer and looked so forward to free movie day at the theater, the Rec Dept pool, family swim at night, late night movies and camping out on the family room floor even on work nights, playing outside until well after dark, and those fun things that make for family memories. Then when it was time for back-to-school shopping I loved this as much as the kids since office supplies and the like are a real hobby of mine, too. This was always such a fun time gathering the things on their lists. Well, I am realizing and accepting reluctantly that this phase is over for me even though I have college to look forward to with Addison in the fall. Much, much different than returning to grade or high school but a new phase that will bring much excitement with it as well I'm sure. It is an unfamiliar chapter of life for me, though, and not one that I thought would be quite so challenging. I'm not referring to getting Addison ready for college but rather what this chapter in life means to me, to Valencia...not Erika's Mom, or Ethan's Mom, or Addison's Mom (which by the way have always been my most favorite and cherished names over the years) but to "Valencia" and this is a challenge. You see, over the years I've been so busy with school years with the kids that I've forgotten what I'd looked forward to after the kids were done with high school. You know, all that "time" that you think you don't have when your kids are small? Remember that stuff called "time for yourself" that we all looked forward to as young mothers with small kids? Well, news flash alert -- It is not quite as exciting as I'd thought it would be...yes, I just said that...it is not what it's all cracked up to be. Life truly is a journey and joy is most happily enjoyed along the way, not once you reach the destination. If you're anything like me, well, I've just not decided where my destination will be or what it may consist of. I've just not decided what I want to be when I grow up yet and not so sure I'm quite ready to be all grown up. Wow, I can't believe I just admitted that on the blog!!! Ha! I must feel like the participants at AA when they stand and introduce themselves! Ha! Just kidding, but seriously, this new phase I'm calling "twixt-n-between" is going to be interesting. Now don't get me wrong, I have so many other things going on that are wonderful like my marriage which is like a fairy tale come true for me and it is so precious to me. Joseph and I have so many adventures and it's a great thing! I have two wonderful stepchildren, Abby and Alex, who are still in school (10th and 8th grades) and I have fun with them and attend their school activities with Joseph. I have a new grandaughter that I am so thrilled about and I'm excited about all that's going on in my children's lives. But now it's time I'm thinking of what "Valencia" may want to be or do and it is quite challenging...It's a good thing even though I am in no hurry whatsoever. For instance, I want to learn to sew, I love to write, I love to serve and want to do something with my time doing more service in something I believe strongly in, and I want to make a difference. Now, when I begin channelling my thoughts and plans I sink sometimes and don't make a whole lot of progress. However, my intentions are incredibly huge! I'm just having a little lapse trying to figure out how to get started and which direction I should take first. Well, where am I going with this blog -- here it is: Enjoy your time, Erika, on what is truly important. I wish I'd done more of that when you, Ethan, and Addi were younger. So what if you play with Leighton all morning and the dishes are a mile high -- guess what -- the dishes will wait while Leighton is changing every single second. The time that you look forward to -- well, things fill it and you wish you hadn't wished some of it away. Before you know it, it's the future. You are doing the greatest work you will ever, ever do right now, and it's wonderful and you are doing such a fantastic job! This "time" that I have right now I am determined to put to good use and do something good with it! There is a whole world needing good help and needing some positive changes and I think I have what it takes to make some of those changes come to pass or at very least, put some ideas to work! :) I've just got to get focused and figure out my directions. In the meantime, though, my oldest great-nephew Spencer is beginning kindergarten this year and in my "off time" I'm going to see if Ginger will give me the privilege of picking Spencer up from school a day or two a week... it will surely bring back some of the most fondest memories of my life!

"Enjoy the little things, for one day you'll look back and realize they were the big things!"

Good night...